Friday, January 19, 2007

so apparantly my life is pretty lame

Last night, as I was having a phone conversation with my little sister,Keisha, my life felt more lame than ever. Here I was asking a 17 year-old for dating advice. Shouldn't things be the other way around? Maybe they should be, but they aren't.

The thing has now been over a year since I have kissed someone, and about the same amount of time since I have been on a real date. I would say I don't know why my love life has been so pathetic, but the thing is, I do know why.

Last november I started dating a guy, and a little over a month later (the day before my birthday), he ripped my heart out. Previously, I had not allowed myself to get close enough to a guy to allow him control over my heart, but somehow I slipped and it happened. My yellow personality responded just as expected and my heart completely closed off--it was not going to be broken again. As a result I have been hiking Independent Mountain ever since, telling myself I am completely happy being alone, when in reality I am sweaty, out of breath, and in great need of hydration.

I think my heart is hinting to me that it is ready to try again because I have recently found myself taking extra notice of that boy who sits infront of me in my leadership class. Not only that but I have had a strange craving for chick flicks such as While You Were Sleeping, Pride and Predjudice, and Sabrina, and I have been envying every happy couple I see.

So, last night as I talked with my little sister I had to admit to her that I was interested in someone. She of course wanted to know if we had been on a date-helds hands, kissed??? (This is where I started feeling lame). I then had to admit to her that I had only spoken about two sentences to him. She verbally confirmed the fact that I was lame and suggested I get to work. I can't believe I did, but I asked her, "How am I supposed to do that?"

Her answer? Flirt with him!!!!

This is where I started kicking myself for being so lame. How in the heck was I supposed to flirt with him?! She told me that everyday before going to class I needed to tell myself over and over, "he is going to be my boyfriend, he IS going to be my boyfrined," and the confidence to flirt will magically appear.

So now I know how lame I am, but it's okay, atleast I know. Luckily I have my little sister to help out. After taking some time to breathe, I am finally ready to turn around and hike off Independent Mountain. I know it will take some time to reach flat ground, but atleast now I am headed in the right direction.


inspired simply said...

And why is the answer always TO FLIRT? Someday Kir, Someday!

kira lee said...

exactly! why can't i just be myself and have mr. perfect come along and sweep me off my feet?!!